I have been making a concerted effort to address several areas of my character I find lacking. One of the most pronounced of these areas is a tendency to get irritable and cranky--usually over things that are fairly small. I've also been trying to be a good listener, one who is sincerely concerned about other people and their lives. And, I've been working on being kind and patient.
C.S. Lewis said, "No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good....Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down."
Well, my efforts in these areas have pointed very clearly to my deficiencies, and I've been pondering what to do.
I want to be more patient and less irritable. I'm convinced of the need; I'm willing to make a consistent effort, and so...what? What are the steps? What are the action items that take me from where I am to where I want to be?
I can just bite my tongue more, I suppose. That's progress because at least I keep my irritability inside and it doesn't hurt anyone around me. But I am not sure it works on addressing the problem itself.
I know that ultimately, change comes through the Atonement of Christ. But I also believe that He expects action and striving, that it is not simply a quick change He zaps into my heart.
So, I've been praying and pondering. What do I do?
The answer came with quiet force, and in a short time it has been quite transformative. The answer is empathy.
If I can truly see the world from another's point-of-view, I have very little room to be irritated or frustrated. If I truly understand the limitations and challenges of another's life, what he or she is struggling with and worried about, I don't have to clamp my lips shut. The feelings of irritation dissipate--they just don't matter anymore.
I think empathy is a virtue that is talked about so much now that it risks becoming a cliche, or a passing fad.
However, to the Christian, it is much more than that. It seems to me that empathy is the root of Christ's unending love and mercy for us.
Consider the words of Isaiah: "Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows." (Isaiah 53:4). Hebrews 2:17 tells us that Jesus was made like us so he might be merciful.
The Book of Mormon takes this idea into great depth. Speaking of the Messiah, it says, "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of this people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11)
In other words, it is not some supernatural knowledge that gives Christ His mercy and tenderness for our human weakness, spiritual and physical. It is empathy, something He gained first hand by experiencing that weakness himself. The one that knows us most--including our weaknesses and failings--is the one who also shows us the most compassion, the most patience, the most love. I am coming to believe that He is not patient, loving, forgiving, and empathetic; it appears to me that He is loving and forgiving and patient because He has empathy.
That is not a new idea; I'm not sure why I never quite put it together. But in the meantime, I am finding efforts to be empathetic to be a powerful tonic for irritation and unkindness. I have long believed that empathy was an important virtue; I'm now coming to see empathy as the root, source, or fuel for many virtues.
