I have so many things I am thinking and feeling. I hope I can find the words to say them. I had a rare opportunity a few weeks ago and it has changed me, I think.
Elder David Bednar came to our area to conduct training for bishops and stake presidencies in the region. For something like 4.5 hours, he answered our questions and taught us. The next day, Elder Bednar came to our stake for a special conference. I was able to spend time with him as he taught a small group of us before the meeting, able to sit next to him on the stand, and then ride with him to the airport.
I give all those details to explain just how much time I really was able to be with Elder Bednar.
In every interaction, he was kind, funny, encouraging, and very down-to-earth. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever met someone who was so real. There was no pretense with him, and he was gracious and patient in a few situations that could have been frustrating. Did I mention how funny he was?
One encounter that was particularly telling to me. As we walked up to the stand for the Sunday conference, it became clear that I would be sitting next to him. I noticed my eight-year old son at that moment. His eyes got big and he looked at me with a meaningful look and then pointed to Elder Bednar, then to me, making sure I realized I was sitting next to an apostle. I think he mouthed, "That's Elder Bednar!"
Elder Bednar saw the exchange as well. He chuckled and asked me if that was my son. I explained that it was. Elder Bednar was on a very tight schedule with a plane to catch. He didn't have time after the meeting to linger and shake hands. But he went and shook my son's hand--and my other son who was sitting next to him.
That was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes to me about him and his character, his attention to a single member of a large congregation. What he didn't know was that both my sons had been praying for a chance to shake his hand.
However, my purpose is not really to talk about Elder Bednar specifically. As much as I admire him, I understand a principle he taught: that it is the office and the keys, not the man, that is remarkable. In light of that, I want to talk about the idea of apostles and prophets, seers, and revelators, because I think I have a new understanding of what a "seer" is.
I heard Elder Bednar answer probably two dozen or more questions, giving detailed explanations and insights, speaking without notes. I noticed that he seemed to simply see and comprehend things in a different, much more comprehensive way than any of us. In fact, he had a consistent ability to help me see and understand new levels and dimensions of many things--everything from very routine programs of the Church to larger, more profound doctrinal questions.
I believe that one aspect of a seer's gift is to see things as they are, and as they relate to each other in the grand scheme of things, even apparently trivial details. It is subtle, but very valuable, a wonderful gift.
Perhaps one of my biggest take-aways from the weekend came in a small group when someone brought up a current topic that is difficult for many reasons and has generated some controversy. I've heard many people wonder if the leaders of the Church really understood everything at stake.
Elder Bednar gave an answer--a very wise, compassionate, and thoughtful one. In part, he acknowledged the complexity in a clear and compassionate way. A friend of mine who was there said something to the effect of, "You've clearly thought about this and really understand."
Elder Bednar smiled very gently and said, "When you get fifteen prophets, seers, and revelators together in a room..." he paused and then said softly, "We know."
It was not boastful or arrogant in the smallest way. It was a quiet, even humble, acknowledgement that God speaks to His servants and that they are very aware of all that is happening. There is not, as some have suggested, simply a knee-jerk reaction, nor are decisions made from some kind of insulated, sheltered bubble, or merely out of habit and tradition.
On a personal note. I went into the weekend with a deep concern. I was struggling with something--a thorn in the flesh, like Paul says. It is something that has bothered me greatly for many years, and I prayed that somehow it might be addressed.
During Elder Bednar's teaching on Saturday, someone asked him a question that had nothing to do with my concern. But when he gave his answer, he told a story to teach a principle. As he did, I almost gasped out loud because the story was an almost word-for-word description of my situation and concern. I should add that it a very unique situation, and not the kind of thing you'd casually pull out of the air as an example. I got my answer--and it was beautiful, reflective of the mercy and grace and goodness I've come to believe God demonstrates.
I know God lives. Jesus is a real and constant presence in my life, and his healing grace and kindness are so foundational to everything I know that I simply could not deny it.
But while I know Jesus is real, I accept other things with varying degrees of faith and hope. There are many things I don't understand, many things I question. Sometimes I struggle with doubt.
I believe that God speaks through prophets. I mostly believe but sometimes hope that the leaders of the Church are inspired. I have enough faith, belief, and hope that I have always tried to live my life in accordance with the counsel and teachings given by the current prophets and apostles.
That being said, I will admit to some struggles sometimes, especially recently. Although I want to believe, my faith in some teachings is tested. I have had occasion to say, "Lord, help thou my unbelief."
I have a different view after this weekend. Just as the presence of Jesus has been so fundamental that I can't deny it, I had a similar witness after my time with Elder Bednar. It wasn't anything dramatic or outwardly impressive. The experience above is part of that witness. But there is more. As we drove to the airport, I asked him a question. He turned around and looked at me. In a small car, this left us face-to-face. As I looked in his eyes and listened to him, I felt a witness, sure and deep, that this man was what I sustain him to be: a prophet, seer and revelator.
I realize what it sounds like in the 21st century to claim a belief in prophets of God. But I believe. And my belief has rooted deeply, pushing down to new levels in my heart.
They know. They really do. And I know they know.
